for those who don't know (feel free to ignore)

I have been going through a really tough period Of time. I had a complete break down and made an attempt to take my own life. I lost a lot of friends because I was in a place so dark I just needed to talk... and couldn't take any advice. I didn't see a way out of the dark. I'm still having a bit of trouble with it. 
The reason behind all of this is because not only do I suffer with seasonal depression and emotional/mental abuse from my mother I have been living with.... I had another miscarriage.  My husband had pretty much shut down and still won't admit it was a miscarriage because of how bad it was when we had one... only two years sgo. 
I'm just to the point I can explain it and I still don't want to but I need to because I feel I'm losing people I actually care about because I can't cope with my loss. 
For those who don't know me and my husband have been trying to have kids and not conceiving was causing us stress that and Ive been in the hospital twice in the past five months over pains in my ovaries.  I miscarried somewhere between the first and second week of janurary after finding out only a week or so before. My husband and I decided to wait tIL three months to tell anyone because it destroyed my family when we miscarried last time....
I never even made it to a month. So now I'm a little emotionally dead. I'm sorry if I snap or suddenly get depressed I'm having a hard time with this. I am getting help but it doesn't mean it'll be instantly fixed and it doesn't mean I won't still break down. It just means I need the friends I do have left to be there for me.
thank you for reading this. And sorry if. I push rp or group stuff a little strong I just really need to be out of my head a lot lately or I'm just going to shut down completely and I'm trying my hardest not to.